Hilarious

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.


Customer : Waiter is this lamb chops or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?


Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?


Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my teacup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.


Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny?? But why aren't you laughing?


Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to
Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


First Guy (proudly) : "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive."


A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and
shouted, "Order, order"
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a
scotch and soda."


An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
How long has what been going on?' said the man.


Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.


1st thief : Oh ! The police are here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.


Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.


Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.